Resource #2: "The Difficult Conversation": Principles and Guidelines
Part One - Teamwork As Intention
Objective: Setting the tone for effective communication. Set up guiding principles with a new team, set ground rules at the beginning of a meeting, or establish expectations in a new working relationship
Criteria: "Nothing bad" has happened yet.
Explanation: At the outset of a new opportunity, everyone "believes in teamwork" and they need help in walking the talk. And everyone has a different understanding of what really constitutes effective communication. This type of conversation is definitely easier than the next two. Having this conversation as the foundation for difficult conversations in the future helps part 2 and part 3 work more smoothly with future challenges.
Guidelines:
1. Assess the current trust level in your employee relationships. With high levels of mutual respect and trust, the more quickly you can get to the point and focus on the issues and intentions. With less respect and trust in your relationship, you need to use this conversation to build trust and rapport with the person you want to speak with.
Once you have an adequate level of trust, you will find it much easier to arrive at an agreed upon intention or to address a specific issue. Define the positive values or behaviors you want. Avoid focusing on what you don't want. An example of defining a positive behavior is: "We're asking everyone to turn their report in on time by Friday at 3 pm."
2. Communicate the reason for your request and what the impact is of not having it fulfilled. For example, "We want to support you to manage your projects independently without us interfering. At the same time, we want to offer the support you need when you need it. We need weekly reports, so we are not guessing at what is happening or losing track of what's going on. We want to avoid wasting time through over-communication or not giving you what you need to be successful."
3. Describe the difference between the highest intention you want to achieve and a medium intention that people will often settle for. Or contrast your highest intention with a counterproductive intention that you've seen in other situations.
For example, "[Highest intention] We want to achieve our numbers this year and develop our team's ability to collaborate and solve problems. [Medium Intention] We don't want to succeed with the numbers and have a few disenchanted team members who didn't get to contribute much. [Counterproductive Intention] And I definitely don't want to have competitive wars break out over who is making it happen and who's getting the credit in the eyes of upper management.').
4. Listen as much or more than you speak. This will insure that you understand others' needs and develop genuine buy in with your highest intention. This lays the foundation for creating the teamwork you desire. For example, "It's important to me that we all get what we need out of this process. What matters most to you when it comes to working on these types of projects?"
As you apply these steps toward building greater trust and respect, you will spend way less time managing communication problems and succeeding at creating your highest intention.
Go on to Part 2