Resource #3: "The Difficult Conversation": Principles and Guidelines
Resource #2: "The Difficult Conversation": Principles and Guidelines
Part Two - Teamwork in Action
Objective: Create a safe environment to coach another person in the moment through a communication breakdown. Expanding everyone's comfort in addressing the real issues in real time is a key to high performance.
Criteria: There has been a breakdown in communication, a misunderstanding between people or teams, and they are not resolving it by themselves.
Explanation: A “Teamwork in Action” conversation is a very powerful way to create greater collaboration. This tool helps you to redirect the conversation or someone's approach away from further breakdowns in the heat of the moment. The riskiest of the three conversations, the person you are speaking with may feel "caught in the act" of a mistake. The amount of self-responsibility a person is able to assume depends on the mutual respect you have and their strong self esteem. If you question whether the trust level is strong enough to have this type of conversation, we suggest you have a "teamwork as intention" conversation as a preliminary step. You may be confident enough to have these types of conversations with some people and groups and avoid having these talks with others. Articulating what's at stake helps everyone understand what makes the conversation worthwhile. As you become more skillful in these conversations, your influence and status as a leader will grow as you diplomatically say what everyone else is thinking.
Guidelines:
1. Learn to observe your own cues that something doesn't feel right or is going off track. These cues may include body sensations like a "gut feeling." Or other cues might be a particular thought or emotion that arises.
For example: You notice you're having a hard time paying attention to a conversation, and you find that either the group has strayed from the meeting agenda or that your presence isn't needed. You hear the familiar thought, "what a waste of time this is." You feel frustration, impatience, or anxiety. This leads to tense shoulders, headaches, a pit in your stomach, or a dry cough. The key is to become aware that teamwork is being compromised while it is happening.
2. Internally set your intention to contribute to the person and group. With the person who is "off track," use a diplomatic interruption to get the conversation back on course. This helps people to save face and deepens their trust in you.
For example, you say to yourself "I know they mean well and I don't want to dampen their enthusiasm but they've lost half of the room; I need to step in."
3. Politely interrupt the flow with a question, especially if you believe the person is unaware they are off track.
For example, "I'm thinking this is a great conversation for a smaller group, but have we gotten away from the original agenda?"
You can also make a statement that identifies when you are believe someone is aware they are engaging in behavior that does not fit the team's norms.
For example, "I know you’re not living up to your own values right now. Can we stop for a second to regain our composure?"
4. Offer a suggestion that moves the team forward. Especially when things are stuck or a counterproductive conversation is gaining momentum.
For example, "I'm not running this meeting but I was wondering if we're missing something - we're talking about what crummy things they're doing in manufacturing. Perhaps we should look at what problems we're causing them because some of them feel they're not getting what they need from engineering."
5. Be willing to match the intensity of the situation, when things are taking a drastic turn for the worse in a hurry. By taking a strong stand for teamwork you can often stop the communication breakdown from escalating. For example, "Whoa! Time out. We're losing our composure and need to calm down before we continue. You may have a valid upset here, but we can't talk to one another that way. I want to hear you out, but only when we can continue respectfully."
Go on to Part 3