Sadness and Depression: Do You Know What is Missing?
August 2008

 

People lose heart - sometimes momentarily, sometimes for weeks at a time, or even years.These feelings are triggered by unfulfilled expectations or thwarted intentions: things don't always work out the way we hope they will.Sometimes the disappointments are trivial while other times they are tragic.The degree of pain can be quite different in these two scenarios, but there's an interesting conundrum.The level of despair we feel is frequently irrelevant to the magnitude of the disappointing event.

Why can one person work happily after not getting a promotion they wanted, while another person gets depressed that the promotion they did receive didn't deliver what they'd hoped for?  What is the reason a worker with a long term disability can consistently find joy at work, while someone who misses a month with the flu can't find any satisfaction when they recover and return to work.  You may have heard us say this before, but it's worth repeating.  It is not what happens to us that makes us happy or sad, it is what we think the event means to us going forward.  Hopelessness is the mindset that we are stuck with a future that has no meaningful possibility for what seems to matter. 

This dynamic is at the root of much of humanity's suffering.  It is the leader's responsibility to keep people's hopes up, so they must do this for themselves as a top priority.  When things go awry, however, it is not easy to feel inspired if we let the subtle voice of doom and gloom creep into our heads.  We call this subtle feeling of impossibility an "issue."  It issues forth from our minds into our hearts as a statement about a grim future we are destined to live with.  This voice sucks the energy right out of us.  For example, "The boss invited me onto this team so I have to participate, but these meetings sure are unproductive.  It's too bad the person running the meeting can't accept feedback.  I guess I'm a captive audience wasting my time for a couple of hours each week."  If you listen carefully when you are tired, unenthused, or apathetic you can identify your own issues.  This is the first step towards freedom.

Your issues are not true.  They just seem to be true.  They also seem to be the final answer regarding what matters.  "What matters is being a good team player and doing what's asked of me," is very alluring if we consider the example above.  However, what's more important that is being compromised here?  Our ability to have input into the best use of our time is being compromised.  Our ability to support the meeting facilitator to run an efficient meeting is being compromised.  Our integrity and ability to tell the truth is being compromised.  Ultimately, it is our heart and soul that is at stake.  Aren't your integrity and heart and soul more meaningful than being viewed a "good team player?"

So when we are depressed or sad there are always three things missing:

1.       An understanding of the issue that has crept into our consciousness.  We need to identify what we are buying into that is compromising our values, intentions, and hearts.  We need to acknowledge that our issue is not the highest truth.

2.       A vision for a positive future.  You've heard the old proverb, "Without vision the people perish."  It's true.  When we lose our hopes and dreams we are in need of a vision.  The proverb doesn't say we get tired without a vision.  And it doesn't say we get sick without a vision.  The proverb says we die.  Our hearts wither and as the life-force is sucked out of us we do begin to literally perish.  So when we get depressed we need to find our next vision.

3.       What is most meaningful is also missing.  When we lose heart we have lost something that was meaningful.  However, there is always something even more meaningful available if we look deeply enough.  If we lose our job or go bankrupt, there is our career path that still has possibilities available.  Even when we lose a loved one, there is still Love itself available if we can delve deeper into our hearts.  To be certain we must grieve these losses, but grieving is a phase of life that can open doors to a meaningful future.  Despair and depression, on the other hand, are a way of being that leads nowhere.  No matter what we lose we must find what is still there to win.  And often the bigger win does not exist in the material realm.  Many people in our society have forgotten this truth unfortunately.

So our work is cut out for us when we encounter sadness or depression, but if we know how to reflect on what's missing instead of focusing on what's wrong or hopeless, we can reinvigorate our lives and careers and businesses.  While it's never an easy task to dig one's self out of a hole, this work is paramount and can be expedited when you have the right tools.  We find the practice of remembrance makes this task much easier.  In short, it is the leader's most valuable asset: direct access to the clarity, vision, and perspective of your own heart.  If you haven't learned to listen to your heart in this way yet, we suggest you check out our article The Remembrance: Investing Time in Reflection in the Newsletter Archives.  And if you take on the experiment we offer in the article, we know you will be surprised with how effectively you can free yourself from the voice of doom and gloom.  And once you are free, an amazing opportunity is possible.  We intend that you find it!

If you know someone who would benefit from reading this article, please pass it on.